I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I smell stomach acid.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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