When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
