And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
