is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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