i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
