**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
