My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
