well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
