seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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