I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
