he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
