we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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