When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My vagina is officially offended.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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