i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
