last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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