Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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