"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
