I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
