booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
