I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
