why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
