how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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