just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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