im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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