so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
