if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
