I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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