i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
