During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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