Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
