Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
