i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
