wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
