Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
