so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
