She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
