I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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