I could have mohawked her pubes.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
