and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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