fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
