We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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