You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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