He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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