I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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