I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
