i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
