Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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