Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my shit smells like andre
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Watching her eat just hurts me
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
