my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
