What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This is my gift to your gina
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
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