What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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