I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
