my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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