there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
