I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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