...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
