we have officially lost it.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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