he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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