were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
